Confession
by SeeingXxViolet
Summary: Nagihiko confesses to Amu, but knows that she doesn't reciprocate his feelings. - Amuhiko


**Yay an AmuHiko story... it's a sad one though. Nagi confesses to Amu, but he knows from the start that she can't return his feelings. **

**Anyway I hope you like it! Please review? Be nice though, it's my first fanfiction XD**

I stared at a spot on the ground, away from her feet. I'd known. Hadn't I always known? Even before I'd left for Europe, and before all the messed up things that had happened since, I'd known. But still I'd wanted to try. Even though it depressed me because I didn't have a chance, even though I felt like a dog because it was a betrayal of some of my closest friends, I had still wanted to try.

Amu's golden eyes were wide, sad, disbelieving. 'Nagi... how long have you...' she trailed off, her voice nearly inaudible.

I hesitated. 'I can't say exactly. We spent so much time together... and somehow I just allowed it to happen. I'm sorry.'

Amu shook her head, still in shock.

'You have every reason to hate me,' I told her softly. 'I deceived you, for far longer than was necessary. And when we hung out together...' I shrugged. 'We had sleepovers, Amu. And I saw you in the girls' change rooms at school.' I dug my shoe into the ground, shutting my eyes in self-loathing. 'And now I'm telling you this.'

Amu's voice wavered and I looked at her, surprised, as tears sprung into her eyes. 'Of course I don't hate you!' she exclaimed, a note of hysteria in her voice. She rushed forward and clung to my shirt. 'I don't hate you,' she repeated more softly. 'You're my best friend! You're still my best friend, whether you're a boy or a girl. And you're still my best friend – even if you – even if...' she held onto me tightly, tears leaking from her eyes, though they were clamped tightly shut.

Her scent was gentle, like a girl, like a _real_ girl. God, I wanted her so badly. Her pink hair tickled my face; through my blurring vision it was softer than any Sakura tree, more beautiful than any sunset I'd ever seen. Pushing her off me gently, I stepped away.

'Amu, I...' I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. 'I've already ruined things so much, too much to fix. Maybe it would be better if we just...' I couldn't finish.

She nodded, her face falling. 'I-I'm sorry,' she whispered. 'I didn't think... I guess it would be harder for you... keeping up pretences, I mean... because I don't...'

I cringed. I'd known, of course, but the reality of it was still so painful it blinded me, made me feel like I was choking. I took several breaths, and dared to look up into Amu's eyes. At the moment they were deep wells of sadness, but what love lay in those golden depths, I'd never know. She would look at Tadase with such love, at Ikuto, at a hundred other boys, maybe. But never at me. To me, Amu was the sunrise. But to her, I was just another cloud drifting by.

She spoke. Her voice was little more than a whisper. 'I know this is selfish of me... I just, I can't stand the idea of not even being friends with you... I'm sorry, I shouldn't even ask... but please, don't you think you could stand to be friends with me? You were my first, you know... friend, I mean...' She looked away, her gaze wondering to the horizon. I knew what she was remembering – that first day when we'd done something as friends; when despite our differences, despite our own individual struggles, we'd been so carefree and relaxed. It was one of my happiest memories as well.

'Amu...' I began. She looked back to me, anxious. 'Of course I want to be friends with you, Amu. I'm an idiot, I'm sorry. It'll be hard at first, but... eventually it'll be okay.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes. Eventually I'll fall for someone else.'

It was a lie, but it was what she needed to hear. As Amu gave a small smile of relief, I knew just how much of a lie it was. Amu would always be my sunrise. But our friendship was worth the pain. I knew it.

Amu's eyes widened suddenly, and she glanced at her watch. 'Oh no!' she cried.

'What is it?'

'I've got a date with Tadase, really soon... I'm sorry, Nagi, I have to go...' she watched me worriedly.

I gave her a reassuring smile. 'It's okay. Go.'

Amu embraced me tightly. I inhaled as much of her scent as I could, trying to capture this moment in my mind. Her soft skin gently brushed mine, and she uttered a soft exclamation as her watch caught on my sleeve. And then she was gone. She turned and hurried off, and I could imagine how she anticipated meeting Tadase, how she would cherish every moment with him.

She turned and smiled, and her beauty in the dying afternoon made me dizzy for a moment. I waved, smiling back. And then she turned her back to me and hurried away. I stood watching her until she was out of my sight. I raised my head, gazing past the branches of the Sakura trees, following the motion of some birds a great distance away. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. I sighed and shivered a little, pulling my jacket tighter around me. And then I turned away from the sight of that sunset, away from that memory, that day. Remaining friends with her was worth the pain. Until the pain was lifted, I would tell myself that. But I knew there wouldn't be another like Amu. My world had revolved around her from the day we'd met.


End file.
